Fall, Feelings & Family Gatherings: Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Regulation

As the leaves change and Thanksgiving approaches, routines often change too. School schedules may look different, family members may visit, classrooms may become busier, and children may experience new sounds, smells, foods, people, and expectations. For some children, these changes are exciting. For others, they can feel overwhelming. You may notice more meltdowns, difficulty transitioning, increased irritability, withdrawal, changes in communication, or a greater need for movement and sensory breaks. These moments can be especially challenging for parents, particularly when they seem to happen “out of nowhere.” But what if we looked at these moments a little differently? Instead of asking, “How do I get my child to calm down?”, we can ask: “What is my child communicating, and what support do they need to feel safe, understood, and regulated?” This is where emotional regulation comes in.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to experience emotions and respond to them in ways that support our needs, communication, relationships, and participation in everyday activities. Importantly, emotional regulation does not mean being calm all the time. Everyone experiences big emotions. Adults do, too! We may feel frustrated when traffic is terrible, overwhelmed when our schedules are packed, disappointed when plans change, or excited when we get together with family. Children experience these same emotions, but they are still developing the skills and brain systems needed to understand, communicate, and navigate them. For children, regulation may look different from what adults expect. A regulated child may:

• Ask for help.
• Take a break.
• Use words, signs, gestures, or AAC to communicate.
• Move their body.
• Seek a hug or other preferred form of connection.
• Use headphones or another sensory support.
• Quietly observe instead of participating.
• Cry and then recover with support.
• Say, “I need space.”
• Return to an activity when they are ready.

And sometimes, regulation may not look quiet or still. Movement, stimming, vocalizations, repetitive play, sensory activities, or other individual strategies can be meaningful ways a child regulates their nervous system. A neurodiversity-affirming approach recognizes that the goal isn't to make a child look neurotypical. Instead, we want to help children develop accessible ways to communicate their needs, navigate emotions, and feel supported.

Why Do Children Need Emotional Regulation Skills?

Emotional regulation impacts much more than emotions. It can influence a child's ability to:

• Communicate wants and needs
• Understand and process language
• Participate in conversations
• Follow directions
• Transition between activities
• Solve problems
• Ask for help
• Advocate for themselves
• Participate in play
• Navigate social interactions
• Manage frustration
• Recover after something unexpected happens

This is particularly important from a speech-language perspective. Communication and regulation are closely connected. When a child is overwhelmed, access to language may become more difficult. A child who can usually explain, “I'm frustrated because my brother took my toy,” may not be able to find those words when they are already overwhelmed. That doesn't mean the language disappeared. Their ability to access that language may temporarily become much harder. Speech-language pathologists can help children build communication skills that make emotional experiences easier to navigate, including functional language, social communication, self-advocacy, language comprehension, and alternative communication methods. ASHA identifies emotion understanding and regulation as components connected to social communication and interaction.

What Does Emotional Regulation Target in Speech Therapy?

Emotional regulation isn't necessarily a standalone “speech goal.” Instead, it can be incorporated into many areas of speech and language therapy.

1. Identifying and Communicating Emotions

Children may first need help recognizing and labeling emotions. This might include:

• Happy
• Sad
• Angry
• Worried
• Excited
• Frustrated
• Tired
• Overwhelmed
• Calm
• Nervous

But we don't want to stop at simply naming emotions. We also want to help children communicate: “I feel ___.” “I need ___.” “I don't like that.” “Help me.” “I need a break.” “Not yet.” These messages can be spoken, signed, gestured, typed, written, or communicated using AAC. Communication does not have to be spoken to be meaningful.

2. Self-Advocacy

One of the most important regulation skills we can teach is self-advocacy. Children should have ways to communicate what they need before they reach their breaking point. For example:

• 
  
• “Too loud.”
• “I need headphones.”
• “I want to go home.”
• “I need space.”
• “Help please.”
• “No thank you.”
• “I need a break.”
• “Can we do this later?”

For children who use AAC, these phrases can be incorporated directly into their communication systems.The goal isn't to teach a child to tolerate everything.The goal is to help them communicate when something isn't working for them.

3. Understanding Social Situations

Thanksgiving can bring lots of social expectations:“Say hi to Grandma!”“Give Aunt Sarah a hug!”“Sit at the table.”“Tell everyone what you're thankful for.”“Share your toys with your cousins.”While these expectations may seem simple to adults, they can involve complex communication and social reasoning.Speech therapy can support children in understanding social situations while also respecting their individual communication preferences.For example, instead of requiring a child to give a hug, we can teach alternatives:“Hi!”WaveHigh fiveBlow a kiss“I don't want a hug.”There are many ways to connect with another person.

4. Flexible Thinking and Problem-Solving

Unexpected changes are a major part of holidays.Maybe dinner is late.Maybe someone sits in a different chair.Maybe the family arrives earlier than expected.Maybe a favorite food isn't available.Maybe the child expected to watch a movie, but plans changed.Therapy can help children practice flexible thinking and problem-solving through play and everyday scenarios.We might ask:“What happened?”“How do you feel?”“What could we do?”“What would help?”This gives children a framework for navigating unexpected situations without suggesting that their feelings are wrong.

Regulation Starts With Co-Regulation

One of the biggest things parents can remember is that children don't learn regulation by being told to “calm down.” They learn regulation through relationships. Co-regulation happens when a supportive adult helps a child feel safe, understood, and supported while they experience a difficult emotion. Instead of: “Stop crying.” Try: “This is really hard. I'm here.” Instead of:“ You're fine.” Try: “That was unexpected. You weren't ready for that change.” Instead of: “Use your words!” Try: “I'm having a hard time understanding. You can show me, point, sign, or use your AAC.” The adult's calm presence can become part of the child's regulation toolkit.

Thanksgiving-Friendly Regulation Strategies for Parents

Here are a few ways to support your child during the holiday season.

Prepare for Changes

Talk about upcoming changes before they happen.You might review:

• Where you're going
• Who will be there
• What the environment may look like
• How long you expect to stay
• What activities might happen
• Where your child can take a break

Visual schedules, social stories, calendars, pictures, and simple verbal reminders can all help.

Build in Breaks

Don't wait until your child is overwhelmed to offer a break. Create a predictable quiet space where your child can:

• Read
• Listen to music
• Play independently
• Use sensory supports
• Watch a favorite show
• Move their body
• Use AAC
• Simply have some quiet time

A break isn't a punishment. A break is a regulation strategy.

Practice When Everyone Is Calm

The best time to teach regulation strategies is before your child needs them. Practice phrases like: “Help me.” “Break please.” “Too loud.” “All done.” “Not yet.” “I need space.” You can practice these during play, reading, or everyday routines so they become familiar tools.

Follow Your Child's Communication

Pay attention to what your child is communicating through their entire body. Maybe they become quieter. Maybe they start pacing. Maybe they cover their ears. Maybe they begin repeating a phrase. Maybe they seek movement. Maybe they stop using spoken language.  These behaviors can provide important information about what your child needs. Rather than immediately asking, “How do I stop this?”, try asking: “What is this telling me?”

Emotional Regulation Is a Skill—Not a Behavior Expectation

Perhaps the most important message for parents this Thanksgiving is this: Your child's big emotions are not a failure. A meltdown isn't necessarily a behavior that needs to be punished or eliminated. It may be a sign that your child's current demands have exceeded the support available to them. Our job isn't to eliminate big feelings. Our job is to help children understand their emotions, communicate their needs, access appropriate supports, recover from difficult moments, and build confidence in advocating for themselves. And sometimes, regulation means changing the environment rather than changing the child. That may mean lowering the volume. Taking a break. Leaving the room. Changing the expectation. Providing AAC. Offering movement. Skipping an activity. Or simply sitting beside your child and letting them know: “I've got you.”

Supporting Communication and Regulation at ACT Therapy Services

At ACT Therapy Services, we believe communication is about so much more than producing words. Communication gives children a way to connect, participate, express themselves, advocate for their needs, and share their experiences with the people around them. Our speech-language therapy services use individualized, play-based, and neurodiversity-affirming approaches to support each child's unique communication profile. We recognize that children communicate in many different ways, including speech, gestures, signs, AAC, body movements, facial expressions, and other forms of communication. Whether your child is working on expressive language, receptive language, social communication, AAC, executive functioning, or emotional regulation, our goal is to give them more tools—not fewer—to communicate and participate in the world around them. This fall, as we gather around the table, celebrate with family, and navigate the changes that come with the holiday season, remember that regulation doesn't have to mean “keeping it together.” Sometimes, regulation looks like asking for help. Sometimes it looks like taking a break. Sometimes it looks like moving, stimming, communicating, or stepping away. And sometimes it looks like a child feeling safe enough to have a big feeling because they know someone will be there to support them through it.

If you're looking for individualized, neurodiversity-affirming speech and language support for your child, we would love to connect!

Call us at (980)-237-3132 or shoot us at a text at (980)-332-2936  to set up an appointment today! 

Visit ACT Therapy Services to learn more about our services and how we can support your child's communication, confidence, and independence this season and beyond!