Helping Kids Build Self-Control with Social Stories: A Guide from an SLP
As a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP), one of the most common concerns parents bring to me is, "My child struggles with self-control—what can I do to help?" Whether it's interrupting, hitting when frustrated, or having a meltdown during transitions, many children need support learning how to manage big feelings and choose more helpful behaviors. The good news? Self-control is a teachable skill. One of the most effective and easy-to-use strategies for supporting children is the social story.
✨ What Are Social Stories?
Social stories are short, easy-to-follow stories that explain everyday situations and the behaviors that go along with them. They were originally created to support children on the Autism Spectrum, but they’ve been shown to help many kids—especially those who do best with clear language and visual supports.
Through social stories, children can better understand things like:
What’s happening in a situation
What they might be expected to do
How others might respond
Social stories help children understand:
What is happening
Why it's happening
What they can do in response
Social stories take the mystery out of tricky moments by giving kids simple, clear words to use in real-life situations. This is especially helpful when it comes to self-control—something that’s still a big work-in-progress for young brains, since it relies on language and planning skills that are still growing.
🧩 Why Use Social Stories for Self-Control?
Self-control involves pausing before reacting, considering the consequences, and managing emotions effectively. These are significant requests for young children—especially when they're overwhelmed, overstimulated, or uncertain about what's expected.
Social stories help because they:
Break situations into clear and concise steps
Teach calming strategies or replacement behaviors.
Use positive and supportive language.
Offer guidance, repetition, and predictability.
They can be used proactively to prepare for events (like going to the dentist), or reactively to reflect on challenging behavior ("Next time I feel angry…").
✍️ What Does a Social Story Look Like?
Here's an example for a child working on not yelling when upset:
"Sometimes I feel very mad. That's okay.
When I feel mad, I can stop and take 3 deep breaths.
I can use my words and say, 'I need help' or 'I feel upset.'
When I stay calm, I feel proud.
I am learning to handle big feelings."
This story names the emotion, offers a strategy, and ends with encouragement. Stories should be written in the first person, with clear and affirming language.
💡 Tips for Parents
If you’d like to try social stories at home, here are some simple ways to make them work for your child:
Keep it short and simple. Focus on just one behavior or situation at a time.
Add visuals. Pictures, drawings, or even photos of your child acting out the story can make it more meaningful.
Read it during calm moments. Practice together before tricky routines (like bedtime, getting ready, or leaving the house) or after a tough moment has passed.
Make it personal. Use your child’s name, favorite characters, or familiar routines so it feels special and meaningful
Celebrate progress. Notice and celebrate the small wins. When your child uses a skill from the story, point it out in the moment—like, ‘Hey, you took a deep breath when you felt frustrated, just like in your story."
❤️ Final Thoughts
Self-control takes time to develop, and it looks different for every child. The good news is, it’s something kids can practice and get better at with support. Social stories provide children with a roadmap for success, helping them feel more confident as they navigate the world around them.
As an SLP, I often create customized stories with families as part of therapy, and I encourage you to explore this tool at home. With consistency, encouragement, and a little creativity, social stories can turn challenges into learning moments—and help your child build not just control, but confidence.