What Are Social Skills?

Fall is one of those seasons that seems to naturally bring people together. Maybe it's a trip to the pumpkin patch, jumping into a pile of leaves, picking apples, attending a fall festival, cheering at a football game, or simply spending a cozy afternoon at home with family. All of these everyday moments give children opportunities to connect and communicate with the people around them. But what exactly do we mean when we talk about social skills? Social skills are the many ways we communicate, connect, and participate with other people. They can include things like taking turns, starting a conversation, joining a game, asking for help, expressing emotions, navigating disagreements, understanding personal boundaries, and figuring out what to do when something doesn't go as planned. And here's something important to remember: Social skills don't look the same for every child. Some children love talking and being around other people. Others prefer quieter activities or one-on-one interactions. Some children communicate primarily through spoken language, while others use gestures, signs, AAC, facial expressions, writing, or a combination of communication methods. Some children make lots of eye contact. Others listen best while looking away or moving their bodies. These differences are not necessarily problems that need to be “fixed.” A neurodiversity-affirming approach recognizes that there are many different ways to communicate and connect. Our goal isn't to teach children to act more “typical.” Instead, we want to help children develop the tools they need to communicate what they want and need, connect with others, advocate for themselves, navigate everyday situations, and build relationships that feel meaningful to them.

Social Skills Are About Connection—Not Perfection

When parents hear “social skills,” they may picture things like saying hello, taking turns, making eye contact, or sharing toys. Those can certainly be parts of social development, but social communication is much bigger than that. At ACT Therapy Services, we believe it's important to look at the why behind a child's behavior. For example, instead of simply asking: “Why won't my child join the group?” we might ask: “What is making it difficult for them to join?” Maybe the room is too loud. Maybe they aren't sure how to enter the game. Maybe they need more time to warm up. Maybe they don't understand the rules. Maybe they are communicating that they don't want to participate. Maybe they would rather watch before joining. Understanding the reason behind a behavior helps us provide support that actually meets the child's needs. This is one of the foundations of neurodiversity-affirming therapy. We're not trying to change who a child is. We're helping them find ways to communicate, participate, and connect that work for them.

Social Skills Look Different at Every Age

Social communication develops throughout childhood and adolescence. The skills a toddler is working on will look very different from the skills a teenager needs, but each stage builds important foundations for the next. Let's take a look at what social development might look like across different ages.

Toddlers: Connection Starts With Shared Moments

For toddlers, social development is often happening during simple everyday interactions. A toddler may be learning to:

• Share attention with another person
• Imitate actions
• Communicate wants and needs
• Take simple turns
• Participate in familiar routines
• Use gestures, sounds, words, or AAC
• Show excitement or frustration
• Engage in simple back-and-forth interactions

And remember: parallel play counts! If your toddler is playing beside another child without directly interacting, that doesn't mean they aren't being social. They may be watching what the other child is doing, copying their actions, or simply enjoying being near them. Those are meaningful early experiences.

Try This at Home

Follow your toddler's lead. If they're collecting leaves, collect leaves with them. If they're pushing cars, grab another car. If they're fascinated by pumpkins, explore them together. You might say: “You found a BIG pumpkin!” “More leaves!” “My turn. Your turn.” “We're doing it together.” You don't need to turn the activity into a lesson. Sometimes the best social practice is simply being together and enjoying something together.

Preschoolers: Learning to Play, Communicate, and Problem-Solve

Preschoolers are often becoming more interested in playing with other children and participating in group activities. They may be working on:

• Taking turns
• Sharing ideas
• Joining play
• Asking for help
• Communicating wants and needs
• Participating in group routines
• Expressing emotions
• Solving simple problems
• Navigating disagreements

But these skills are still very much developing. A preschooler may know how to say, “Can I play?” but have no idea what to do when another child says no. They may want to play with friends but become overwhelmed when the room gets noisy. They may understand what they want to say but have trouble getting the words out quickly enough during a fast-paced game. These moments aren't failures. They're opportunities for us to slow things down, model language, and provide support.

Try This at Home

Use everyday activities to practice flexible thinking. If you planned to go outside but it starts raining, try: “Oh! That wasn't our plan. What could we do instead?” If two siblings want the same toy: “You both really want it. Let's think of some ideas.” There doesn't have to be one “correct” answer. The goal is to help children learn that there are often multiple ways to solve a problem.

Elementary School: Friendships Become More Complex

As children enter elementary school, social situations can become more complicated. They may be navigating:

• Recess games
• Group projects
• Friendships
• Changing social groups
• Classroom discussions
• Team activities
• Disagreements
• Teasing
• Losing games
• Unspoken social expectations

This is also a time when some neurodivergent children may start noticing that they communicate or interact differently from their peers. Sometimes that can lead to masking—hiding natural behaviors, interests, or communication styles in an effort to fit in. Rather than focusing only on how a child can “fit in,” we can help them understand themselves and the people around them. For example: “People show they're listening in different ways.” “Some people like lots of talking, and some people prefer quiet.” “You don't have to look at someone's eyes to listen.” “You can tell someone when you need space.” These conversations help children understand that differences in communication are normal.

Tweens: Building Confidence and Self-Advocacy

The tween years bring a whole new level of social complexity. Friendships may change quickly. Social groups become more important. School expectations increase. Children become more aware of how they are perceived by others. Tweens may be learning how to:

• Navigate changing friendships
• Handle disagreements
• Set boundaries
• Express their opinions
• Recognize healthy friendships
• Advocate for their needs
• Manage social stress
• Navigate group conversations
• Communicate online

This can be a great time to shift the conversation from: “How do I get my child to fit in?” to: “How can I help my child feel comfortable being themselves while navigating relationships with others?” Talk about questions like: “What makes someone a good friend?” “How do you know when you need a break?” “What can you say when someone crosses a boundary?” “What helps you feel comfortable in a group?” These are skills that children can carry with them well beyond the tween years.

Teens: Social Communication for Real Life

For teenagers, social communication increasingly connects to independence. Teens may be navigating friendships, employment, college, extracurricular activities, dating or relationships, community activities, and greater independence. They may want support with:

• Starting conversations
• Maintaining friendships
• Navigating conflict
• Communicating with teachers
• Participating in groups
• Understanding workplace expectations
• Setting boundaries
• Advocating for accommodations
• Managing overwhelming environments
• Communicating their needs

And just like adults, not every teenager wants the same amount of social interaction. One teen may want to make lots of friends. Another may prefer a small circle of close friends. Another may be perfectly happy spending much of their free time independently. That's okay. Social skills therapy should not be about making a teen more social simply because adults think they should be. Instead, we can ask: “What does your teen want to be able to do?” Maybe they want to confidently order at a restaurant. Maybe they want to join a club. Maybe they want to make one close friend. Maybe they want to communicate with coworkers. Maybe they want help understanding a confusing social situation. Their goals matter.

One of the Most Important Social Skills: Self-Advocacy

If we could give children one social skill to carry with them throughout life, self-advocacy would be high on the list. Being able to communicate: “I need help.” “I don't understand.” “Can you say that another way?” “I need a break.” “That's too loud.” “I don't want a hug.” “I need more time.” “No, thank you.” “I disagree.” is incredibly valuable. Communication isn't just about interacting with other people. It's also about making sure other people understand us.

How Can Parents Work on Social Skills at Home?

You don't need flashcards, worksheets, or a formal lesson plan. In fact, some of the best opportunities happen during activities you're already doing.

1. Follow Their Interests

Your child's favorite things can be a wonderful starting point for connection. If they love dinosaurs, talk about dinosaurs. If they love trains, build a train track together. If your teenager loves video games, ask them to teach you something about their favorite game. You don't have to become an expert. You're showing them: “I want to know what you love.”

2. Model Instead of Constantly Correcting

Rather than correcting every social interaction, model another option. Instead of: “Don't interrupt.” Try: “I'm going to finish my thought, and then it's your turn.” Instead of: “Use your words.” Try: “You can tell me, show me, or use your AAC.” Instead of: “Go say hi. ”Try: “You can wave, say hi, or give Grandma some space.” This gives children choices while respecting their autonomy.

3. Don't Force Eye Contact

Eye contact is not the only way to show someone that you are listening. Some children listen better while looking away, moving their bodies, playing with something, or using another regulating behavior. Rather than focusing on eye contact, look at the bigger picture: Is your child able to participate, communicate, and connect? If yes, that's what matters.

4. Don't Force Physical Affection

Children should know that they have control over their own bodies. Instead of requiring hugs or kisses, offer choices: “Do you want a hug, high five, wave, or no touch?” This teaches children that their boundaries matter. It also helps them learn to respect other people's boundaries.

5. Give Them Time to Respond

Some children need extra time to process a question or figure out what they want to say. Ask the question. Pause. Wait. Give them time. Try not to immediately repeat the question or answer for them. Sometimes that extra bit of processing time makes all the difference.

6. Celebrate All Forms of Communication

Communication doesn't always come in the form of spoken words. A child may communicate through:

• AAC
• Gestures
• Signs
• Facial expressions
• Body movements
• Vocalizations
• Writing
• Typing
• Spoken language

All of these can be meaningful. If your child uses AAC, keep their communication system available and respected across settings—not just during therapy.

Where Does Occupational Therapy Fit In?

When many parents hear “occupational therapy,” they think about handwriting, cutting, or fine motor skills. But pediatric occupational therapy can address so much more. OTs look at the skills children need to participate in their everyday lives. This can include:

• Sensory processing
• Regulation
• Executive functioning
• Flexibility
• Motor planning
• Body awareness
• Emotional regulation
• Transitions
• Attention
• Play
• Independence
• Participation in school and community activities

Imagine a child who wants to attend a birthday party but becomes overwhelmed by the noise and number of people. It may look like a social skills challenge. But the real barrier may be sensory overload. Or imagine a teenager who wants to attend a school event but needs a plan for managing a crowded, unpredictable environment. An OT can help identify what is making participation difficult and work with the child and family on strategies that support them. Importantly, the goal isn't to make a child “tolerate” an overwhelming environment at all costs. The goal is to help them participate in ways that support their regulation, comfort, independence, and autonomy.

How Speech Therapy and OT Work Together

Speech-language pathologists and occupational therapists often support different pieces of the same puzzle.

Speech-Language Therapy May Support:

• Receptive language
• Expressive language
• Social communication
• Conversation
• AAC
• Communication repair
• Self-advocacy
• Understanding and using language
• Perspective-taking

Occupational Therapy May Support:

• Sensory regulation
• Emotional regulation
• Executive functioning
• Flexibility
• Motor skills
• Body awareness
• Transitions
• Play
• Environmental participation
• Independence

When these professionals work together, they can look beyond the behavior itself. Instead of simply asking: “What is the child doing?” we can ask: “Why might this be happening, and what support would make this experience easier?” That shift can make a big difference.

Fall Social Skills: Simple Things to Try This Season

You don't have to create extra work for yourself. Look for opportunities that are already happening.

At the Pumpkin Patch

Let your child choose which pumpkin they like. Talk about what you see. Give them the option to interact with others—or take a break.

 While Baking

Take turns stirring. Let your child make choices. Talk about what you're doing together.

 On a Nature Walk

Notice what your child notices. Collect leaves. Compare colors. Follow their curiosity.

 At a Family Gathering

Let your child know where they can take a break. Don't require hugs or conversations. Give them choices for how they want to greet family members.

 During a Fall Movie Night

Let your child choose the movie. Talk about favorite characters. Share snacks. Laugh together. Sometimes social connection is as simple as enjoying something side by side.

A Few Things to Remember

When it comes to social development, there is no single timeline and no single definition of success. Your child's social life may not look exactly like yours. That's okay. A successful interaction might be a toddler handing you a toy. It might be a preschooler playing beside another child. It might be an elementary-age child asking to join a game. It might be a tween telling a friend they need some space. It might be a teenager advocating for a quiet place at a crowded event. All of these are meaningful. Social communication isn't about becoming someone else. It's about having the tools to communicate, connect, participate, and advocate for yourself.

Falling Into Connection

As the leaves change and fall activities fill our calendars, take a moment to notice the small moments of connection happening around you. The toddler who points at a pumpkin. The preschooler who brings you their favorite book. The child who wants you to watch them jump into the leaves. The tween who tells you about something they're interested in. The teenager who shares a funny video with you. These moments may seem small, but they are meaningful. Connection doesn't have to look perfect to be real. This fall, follow your child's interests. Listen to their communication. Respect their boundaries. Give them choices. Allow them to regulate. Celebrate their attempts to connect. And remember:

The goal isn't to change who your child is.

The goal is to help them communicate, connect, participate, and feel confident being themselves.

How ACT Therapy Services Can Help

At ACT Therapy Services, we believe therapy should meet children where they are. Our pediatric speech-language pathologists and occupational therapists take a neurodiversity-affirming, child-centered approach that recognizes each child's individual strengths, communication style, interests, sensory needs, and goals. Speech therapy may support language, communication, AAC, and social communication. Occupational therapy may support sensory processing, regulation, executive functioning, motor skills, play, and participation in everyday activities. When helpful, our therapists collaborate to look at the whole picture and develop individualized strategies that support your child's real-life needs. Whether your child is a toddler learning to communicate, a preschooler developing play skills, an elementary-age child navigating friendships, a tween building self-advocacy skills, or a teenager preparing for greater independence, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Your child's goals matter. Their communication matters. Their comfort matters. And who they are matters.

Ready to Learn More?

If you have questions about your child's communication, social development, sensory needs, regulation, play, or participation, you don't have to figure it out alone. ACT Therapy Services provides pediatric speech therapy and occupational therapy for children and teens in Charlotte, Raleigh, and Huntersville, NC. Our team is happy to talk with you about your concerns, answer questions, and help you determine whether a speech-language or occupational therapy evaluation may be a good next step. 

Call us at (980)-237-3132 or shoot us at a text at (980)-332-2936  to set up an appointment today! 

Connect With ACT Therapy Services

Reach out today to learn more about our pediatric speech and occupational therapy services in Charlotte and Huntersville. Let's help your child build the skills they need to communicate, connect, participate, and advocate for themselves—while always honoring who they are. Because every child deserves to feel understood, supported, and comfortable being themselves.